Getting to comfortable....
Jan 26, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rKaVc3hWmg

good morning everybody and welcome back
to my channel if you're new welcome to
my channel if you haven't already done
so would you please hit that little
subscribe button down there and maybe
even the little notification bell so you
get notified every time that I upload
and also when I go live I am so happy to
say that I see my numbers going up and I
could not be more happier welcome
welcome welcome to all of my new
subscribers thank you so much for
joining this journey with me and joining
my channel and becoming a part of us as
a community I am so grateful that there
are so many amazing people here that are
cheering me on and wanting to see me
succeed in this very hard battle of
addiction and I could not be more
happier to see that I am getting the
support and encouragement that I really
do need to succeed in this whole process
so welcome again to all of you guys
thank you to all my loyal subscribers
that I have been here from day one
I appreciate you guys you all know who
you are thank you for just you know
being there and listening to me allowing
me to vent when I've needed to vent and
cry when I needed to cry and also
celebrating my achievements with me
because well what's better than
celebrating with people that truly care
and want to see the best happen to you
in your life so thank you again you guys
this week has been a week so as you guys
know last week when I got on the scale
it said that I had gained 19 pounds well
it has been noted that it is fluid and I
have a blockage in my kidney that is
creating it we are working on it hoping
that it will do its thing if it can if
it can't then I will have to go into the
hospital have a stint put up inside my
aretha to allow it to pass through and
that's what I'm praying for her because
I really don't want to have to how about
surgery because it is a very very very
very painful surgery and I just I swore
to
myself the last time I have this happen
that if it ever happened I would never
get input back inside because it's that
painful so I am just praying that it
does what it needs to do and it just
goes through I still feel like I'm
retaining a lot of water I have been
drinking lots of water I've been keeping
this on board this I've had this one for
a long time but reason I'm doing this
and not doing the gallon water is
because it's easier to count how many of
these that I'm drinking and not the
gallon because I can't manage how many
ounces of exact that I'm drinking on the
gallon as I can with this so that is why
I am drinking out of this one right now
my gallon is been being very kindly used
by my children so it's okay anyways but
you know I was thinking yesterday about
something and I think that it reckon it
resonates in a lot of people I think
that a lot of people struggle with this
same issue that I struggle with and that
is when you start to see success on the
scale you just kind of instantly get
comfortable with whatever is going on
and you just start kind of reverting
back to the old habits because I guess
maybe you think that you're strong
enough not to have to be as strict but
in my case that's how it is like I see a
success on the scale and I start
becoming comfortable like you know I
start eating a little bit more than I
should
or I choose different food that I
probably should not be eating while I'm
trying to lose weight and I keep telling
myself well the scale went down so it's
okay the scale went down so it's okay
and by the time I'm done I'm just back
to eating and whatever it is that game
caused me to gain weight in the first
place and then we're back to reality of
cycle number stage one but and I just
it's it's a struggle it is a struggle
and I get so frustrated with myself
because I know I recognize it I know
as I'm doing it I know that it's
something that I am doing but why I
can't stop it I don't understand
especially if I know that it's doing if
I already know what is going on in my
brain why can I not stop it and just
revert back to what I should be doing I
don't know what that draw is that makes
me not be able to do that why I feel
like I am a victim to this addiction so
much that I allow it to come to
completely control my brain and and
honestly it's a battle every single day
to say no I'm not gonna do that no you
know it's it's just not worth it but at
the end of the day did I win the battle
or did I lose the battle that's the
question because every day it seems like
that battle gets a little bit more
stronger because I seen success on the
scale one time so I've been really
working on myself on recognizing when
that feeling comes available or when
that feeling comes alive I try to focus
on it and say okay what can I do to not
feed into this assumption that I'm okay
to eat whatever because the scale went
down once but to continue to want
success and I do want success on the
scale I do want success in my life but
how can I get from that point to the
point of overriding the feeling that
it's okay to be relaxed and stick to
what I laid out in front of myself from
the very very beginning of this whole
journey so yesterday it was a really
strong one because I I don't know I
wanted Taco Bell so bad I wanted to talk
about so bad and I know Taco Bell is one
of the worst choices that I can have
because their calories are very high the
sodium is high and with already dealing
with the you know the struggle of my
retaining water why would you go and eat
something that's got more than a Daly's
worth of what you need in sodium in one
item you know what I'm saying so
yesterday was a major battle with me of
how I can get away with not falling into
my temptation but also allowing myself
to feel like I'm not depriving myself so
I came home and I was like well what can
I do so I came home I made something
that was similar to a Taco Bell food but
I didn't put all the sodium in it and of
course I was able to control the
calories then I also put in it which was
fajitas and I did not have the tortilla
with it I just kept the tortilla out
that way then it was a little bit more
of a controlled mill I get a meal that I
was able to have rather than go and get
food out where I can't control what
they've put in there I can't control the
sodium I can't control any of that I
just brought myself home and did it so I
felt like that was a win I felt like I
won that situation because I allowed
myself to have what I was craving but I
came home and did it rather than do it
by running through fast food would have
been easier to run through fast food
absolutely because then I could have
just came home ate my food and gone on
with my day but no I had to go home stop
everything cook the food eat the food
then go on with my day but that's also
part of learning how to manage a journey
that I have chosen to go on which is my
health you know Greg gathering the the
tools that I need to have a successful
journey of weight loss so I more more
than not I just you know it's been a
little bit of a hard week in that manner
because I feel like I just want to be
connect I want to be so relaxed with
everything you know I seen this success
in my
skill one time so now I say oh well I
can have a couple chips and it's gonna
be okay
oh I can have a couple of whatever it is
and I'll be okay no that's just not the
way that it works and I know that I know
that psychologically I know that it's
not gonna get me anywhere but again your
brain sometimes it is stronger than your
body and your brain can control a lot a
lot of the decisions that you make
because well your brain is what controls
your hands and so that's where the
battle really is is between your hands
and your mind because your mind knows
one thing your body wants something else
and so it's a constant battle every
single day how I'm gonna win this how am
I going to win this battle of not
veering off and keeping on the right
track I have not done a daily weigh-in
this week because I do know that I am
still swollen as you guys can see I'll
take off my ring you guys can see I am
still very swollen we do my blood test
did come back that my liver enzymes are
up a little bit but my kidney levels are
fairly high which indicates that there
is a blockage somewhere so now next week
this coming week I have to go in and
they're gonna do an ultrasound within my
kidney area and also check my liver and
see kind of what's going on and where
the blockage might be is it gonna be
something that can work itself out or is
it something that he's gonna have to go
in and our v-nand get it out
you know surgically so that's kind of
where I'm at right now I am still going
to do my weigh in on Wednesday whether
or not whatever it says I don't I mean I
can't control if it's gonna say that it
stayed the same or it went down or if it
went higher I don't know I really have
no control over that but I will not go
back on my word when I say that I will
be posting a video of my weight no
matter
on Wednesday I may be proud of it I may
be one to hide was I posted but you know
what all that counts is that I am
sticking to my word and that is I will
be getting away wait update video up for
you on Wednesday but I'll still be
seeing you guys before then I'm also I
started yesterday doing low-impact
working out I don't feel comfortable yet
recording myself and the only reason why
I say that is because I've got to do
this when my kids are not around so I've
got to kind of do it at a time where
they're either fairly busy I can get
them at the table and have them color
because I really do not want to put my
children on video any more as you guys
know so because of that I am trying to
figure out how I'm supposed to do this
but I am working on getting my camera
are getting myself filmed as I'm doing
some work out I found an amazing low
impact cardio video on YouTube that I
have really embraced and I actually
really like it also I've been doing a
lot of walking inside the house more
movement I know also passes the fluid
through your body so that's also another
reason why I've been really sticking to
trying to keep moving I've been downing
my fluids as much as I can just to keep
my kidneys flushing and at that point
maybe it will flush whatever block is in
there and get that passed through so
anyways that's pretty much my update as
of for today um I don't know I wanted to
also film for you guys a cooking video
but again it's if I can do it without
the kids around so I will keep updating
you guys and let you guys know either
way you're gonna see me before Wednesday
I am sure take care of you guys I am so
happy that it is Sunday the end of the
weekend ready for a fresh new start for
a new week and I cannot wait to be able
to do that with you guys
so anyways take care you guys have an
amazing end of your weekend and a start
to your new week I will be checking in
with you guys again real soon talk to
you later bye bye